Love & Purpose - Confessions

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind, & love your neighbor as yourself - the two greatest commandments.

Did you know that I'm naturally very bad at loving people the way I love myself?  Yep, sure am.  I know, I know, people.  I'm a missionary and all, yes, but would you believe that I'm pretty dang selfish, and loving people with a genuine godly love, and with a humble heart, and servant attitude does not come naturally for me?

I know.  Shocking.

But, because it's not easy for me, when I do feel an incredible love for other people, I can only give Jesus the credit and I know that it's Him working on me.

When I honestly observe my attitude, I sometimes fear that this work is in vain.  What's the point if I'm lazy or complain and gripe?  What's the point if I'm here doing all I'm doing if it's not for love?

Am I surrendering my life and my own desires because I love God with all my heart/soul/mind and because I love others?  That was my intention.  It would be tragic if my motives were soured by a bad attitude and clouded vision.

What good is a gift if it's given reluctantly?
What good is a sacrifice if it leads to resentment?
What good is surrender if you still look back?
What good is service if you grumble all the way?

I want a spring in my step!  I want to do my work with joy!  I want to embrace hardships and discomforts.  For Pete's sake, I want to stop grumbling and whining.  I want to really love people, every last stinky one of them.  I want to see past all the things that annoy me or offend me and see them like the Lord Jesus sees them and me!

I don't want just the outward evidence, to impress you out there, or to decieve myself, but I want real, true, genuine, godly love reeeally reeeally truly on the inside of me.  I want the love of God to spill outta me. 

Checking my motives, seeing my ugly heart, needing the Lord to forgive me and give me an attitude adjustment.


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