March 18, 2011

Ian's Here!

Hi there.

Where in the world do I begin?
Last weekend I had a baby...a beautiful baby boy.  He was delivered via C-section at 4:41pm on March 12th weighing a hefty 8lbs and 15oz, measuring 20.5" long.  He's so beautiful...I never knew I could love so much.
As many of you know, I was dreaming of a natural home birth, but within days of our due date, we discovered that I was high-risk with a rare liver condition caused by pregnancy ("Cholestasis of Pregnancy").  Really, I was so fortunate that we made it full term before any complications arose - Cholestasis can be very dangerous and can cause lots of early complications, so I just thank God that everything happened when it did.  I would write out my birth story, but my sweet husband posted about it earlier this week.  I guess I'm just gonna share a few random details from my perspective...and I mean random because that's just how my brain is working this week : )

First of all, I was heartbroken when the midwife told me she wanted to transfer me, just one day before our due date.  I cried a good hard cry in Tedd's arms, and then wiped my nose and we got to business...we had to get moving; we had to find a doctor.  Within a few hours, I went from planning a natural home birth to sitting in a hospital bed with monitors and tubes, waiting to be induced.  
Labor was excruciating.  I asked for an epidural and I remember my husband and doula ignored me...and then I forgot to ask again.  I didn't have any drugs, but I still feel like I was on them because of the endorphins that sent me off into "labor land;" I was inside of a cloud and only a few loved ones were able to break through it, despite the eleven people in the room!  I was on display for all the med students...one girl thanked me later for letting them watch...lol.

I felt the baby inside the birth canal.  I felt him moving with every push.    

I almost have no regrets.  I'm absolutely heartbroken, to be honest, that I wasn't able to deliver Ian naturally (sometimes I still feel like I didn't really "give birth"), but I know in my heart that I gave it everything I had and 100% more and that's enough for me to be at peace.  Ian just got into the canal all caddy-whompus and he wasn't in the right position to come out.  I don't think it had to be this way...I really believe that a variety of circumstances caused the baby to be poorly positioned, but it doesn't matter...we did everything we could with what we were given and I'm moving on.  Maybe there's still hope for future pregnancies, but I'll cross that bridge later :)
proud proud daddy

So poor baby Ian had gone all the way into the canal, just to the perineum, he'd been vacuumed, he'd been pushed for hours, and then he had to be forcefully shoved back into the uterus to be delivered via C-Section.  But, by golly, despite all that stress, he's an amazingly content baby and an amazing little eater :) - such a gigantic blessing after all we'd been through together.

seeing Ian for the first time after the C-section

Tedd & I were laughing a few days ago thinking that it was like I'd gone to the hospital and asked for the "total torture package, please" :) the only thing I didn't have was an episiotomy!

 So those are some of my random memories and feelings about the birth.  As traumatic as the labor & delivery was, I am feeling wonderfully content with our new baby, recovering well, and looking forward to all the joys that lie ahead for our new little family of three.
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