September 30, 2011

This is My Brain on Stress...


Do you ever feel like you have scrambled eggs for brains?  

I thought so.

I want to make a confession, because I like all of you creepers who read my blog, and I like being real transparent (well, okay, with boundaries)...

Here comes another one of those stream-of-conscious posts b/c I'm tired and don't feel like editing...
or making sense...

In my walk with Christ - most of my life - I've never been so challenged by anxiety and stress and worry.  Never.  I mean, definitely, I've experienced these things (deeeefinitely), but they haven't really gotten a hold of me with such intensity as they have this past month.

Our house is still a crazy wreck.  I'd show you the "keepin' it real" pics of our house like all the cool bloggers out there do, but then there'll be someone out there, with my best interests in mind, thinking I'm a total idiot for showing all the thieves (who read blogs in their spare time) pictures of the stuff in our house that they could come steal.  It's a valid concern?
 
Aaaanyway...but yeah, anxiety, yuck!  I have been so paranoid and anxious about lead dust in our house.  Freaked out, people.  I've been so worried about Brown Recluse Spiders.  I've been experiencing a level of fear and anxiety that I rarely experience over our upcoming trip overseas.  I'm stressed about money, stressed about a messy house, stressed about my to-do list...anxious, up-tight, paranoid, worried, stressed...

and that's where I get the scrambled egg brains.

(PS.  I think being a mom has something to do with my new levels of anxiety.  I was warned by the veteran moms).

And I know this sounds like a bunch of bologna (what a funny way to spell "buh-loh-nee") to some of you, but seriously, when I really pray...something like "God, I need help.  I'm seriously overwhelmed here and my anxiety is getting the best of me.  Please help me not to let my stress make me do things that aren't godly" yeah, stuff like that...I seriously get myself much more together.  I get way better.

Because it's not a sin to be stressed...to be anxious, probably yes, but to be under stress, not so much...it's more how about how we react.  And that's the part where I mess up.  Stress makes me want to break plates and scream like a crazy woman (is that normal?).  High levels of worry and fear just mean that I've stopped trusting God.  And moments where I want to scream (literally) or when I feel like I can't trust God to take care of things that are out of my control...whew...that's when I have to pray stuff like "God, I'm so sorry I'm out of control here.  Please help me!"

So I'm not writing this stuff so that you'll feel sorry for me.  I'm not really even sure why I'm writing this.  I just like to write stuff.  But if it's encouraging to you, I would like to announce that God truly helps me during these times when I've bitten off more than I can chew, or when I'm afraid out of my mind for my son over things I can't control.  (And I would like to take a moment to thank God publicly as well for my husband who is calm and even-keeled and nice to me when I'm stressed.  Thank You, God!) 

So...I'm makin' it.  Blogging hasn't been very high on my to-do list lately, but I do actually have some cool stuff to show you soon.  Like a DIY countertop, an upcycled chandelier, some more Fort Smith posts, and a review about cloth diapers.

And here's a random picture of an old French door we "Craigslisted" that's being installed as our Laundry Room door.

Love y'all!  You make blogging so much fun!  (and thanks for reading my rants, too!)
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